Tito Slack

The New Terror Alert Chart

Finally someone has come up with a Terror Chart that our Commander in Chief can understand.

Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked

..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for ! an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get h! is head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Guitar Toilet Seat ?

Do you have a musician in the family that always in the bathroom, well this seems like the perfect gift.

Jammin John's Guitar Toliet Seat

Belgian monks run out of world's best beer

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Monks at a Belgian abbey have been forced to stop selling their famous beer after it was voted the best in the world and was promptly sold out.

The abbey of Saint Sixtus of Westvleteren in western Belgium is home to some 30 Cistercian and Trappist monks who lead a life of seclusion, prayer, manual labour -- and beer-brewing.

A survey of thousands of beer enthusiasts from 65 countries on the RateBeer Web site (www.ratebeer.com) in June rated the Westvleteren 12 beer as the world's best.

But the abbey only has a limited brewing capacity, and was not able to cope with the beer's sudden popularity.

"Our shop is closed because all our beer has been sold out," said a message on the abbey's answering machine, which it calls the "beer phone".

And the abbey has no intention of boosting its capacity to satisfy market demand.

"We are not brewers, we are monks. We brew beer to be able to afford being monks," the father abbot said on the abbey's Web site.

Monk Mark Bode told De Morgen daily: "Outsiders don't understand why we are not raising production. But for us life in the abbey comes first, not the brewery."

Man accidentally runs over wife, Twice

A 75-year-old German was so shocked he had accidentally run down his wife he started forward and drove over her again, authorities said Wednesday.

Police in the western town of Bad Nauheim said the man compounded his 73-year-old wife's misery after an onlooker told him he had just run her over while backing out of a parking space. The woman was rushed to hospital and survived.

A Real Philly Cheesesteak in Toledo ? No Way, but Close

You know me always looking for a Real Philly Cheesesteak here in Toledo. Well, there's finally a place in Toledo that comes pretty damn close to making a real Philly style Steak Hoagie. Where is this place you ask ? Penn Station, it's over off Airport Highway by Kohl's in that strip mall plaza thingy.

If you want the true Philly cheesesteak experience, order one with sauce,peppers and no mushrooms. They have no whiz but hey I'm not a fan of the whiz, so it doesn't really matter to me.

They do have some of the Best French Fries this side of Cedar Point, Hand Cut & Plenty of Vinegar on the Table. Now, if they would just open a decent NY Style Pizza Place in Toledo, I wouldn't have to drive to the East Coast ever 6 weeks to eat.

Ask A Pothead

Ask A Pothead:

Taking advice from a Pothead is a not Good idea, but it sure is funny.

This Weeks' Best T-shirts from T-Shirthell.com

Dead Steelers Fan Laid Out In Black And Gold

PITTSBURGH -- James Henry Smith loved his country. He served in Vietnam and spent 25 years in the Army, Army Reserve and National Guard.But the 55-year-old Garfield man also had love for his favorite football team, the Pittsburgh Steelers -- and that led to an unusual viewing after he died from prostate cancer this week.Smith's family asked the Coston Funeral Home in Lincoln-Lemington to place his body not in a casket, but in a recliner that faced a television playing Steelers highlights, with a remote control in his hand.The body was dressed in black and gold clothing -- traditional Steelers colors -- and a blanket bearing the team's logo was draped over an armrest. Sitting on a table next to the chair were a pack of cigarettes and a can of beer.

The scene was reminiscent of Steelers game days in the Smith household, according to his family."He wanted to be at home in a surrounding with the things he liked to do," said Smith's widow, Denise. "I tried to do everything in the world to make it peaceful for him."Family members and friends welcomed the arrangement."Everyone who knew him and loved him can always remember he was just at peace, sitting up there watching television, and he just went to sleep," Denise Smith said.On Wednesday, a military burial was held at Allegheny Cemetery in Lawrenceville. Smith was laid to rest in Section 52 -- coincidentally, the same number that Steelers Hall of Fame center Mike Webster once wore.

Smoking is bad for your sex life because it makes men impotent and women ugly.

The British government launched a series of tough anti-cigarette adverts on Friday with the message that smoking is bad for your sex life because it makes men impotent and women ugly.

The campaign is designed to target young Britons' fears about their sexual attractiveness -- an area the government says is more effective than highlighting general health concerns.

One ad uses a burning cigarette end between two "fingerlegs" as a metaphor for a penis with the strapline "Does smoking make you hard? Not if it means you can't get it up."

Another targets women saying cigarettes lead to premature skin aging and warns that smoking causes "cat's bum mouth."

"We know 70 percent of smokers want to stop smoking, however, with younger people, fears about attractiveness and fertility can be a stronger motivation to quit than fears about health," said Public Health Minister Caroline Flint. The government says smoking increases the risk of erectile dysfunction by around 50 percent for men in their 30s and 40s and that up to 120,000 British men in this age group were impotent as a result of smoking.

A recent survey by NHS Smoking Helpline also found two-thirds of young men and women, and over half of smokers, said smoking reduced sexual attractiveness.

Sauerkraut is Healthiest Topping for 150 Million Hot Dogs To Be Eaten on July 4th

FREMONT, Ohio--(BUSINESS WIRE)--July 1, 2005--

Sauerkraut is the healthiest topping for hot dogs, which will be consumed in record numbers by millions of Americans this July 4th weekend. According to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council Americans will eat 150 million hot dogs on July 4th and 2 billion hot dogs during the month of July. Sauerkraut is high in antioxidant cancer fighting compounds, fiber, vitamins, calcium and minerals.

Finnish researchers reported that fermenting cabbage produces compounds known as isothiocyanates, shown in laboratory studies to prevent the growth of cancer. Fermentation actually enhances its protective effects. Glucosinolates in sauerkraut activate the body's antioxidant enzymes, and flavonoids protect artery walls from oxidative damage. This study was published in the October 23, 2002 Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry.

"Many people associate Sauerkraut with Oktoberfest, however July is actually one of the biggest months for the food. Health conscious consumers are beginning to realize that sauerkraut is actually on of the healthiest foods they can eat, and you'll see it being used in an increasing number of recipes as awareness increases. Even supermodels like Heidi Klum are making it part of their diet, so the rest of the country is bound to follow her lead," says Chris Smith, VP of marketing for the Fremont Company, one of the United States' leading producers of sauerkraut.

The 2005 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, published by the United States Department of Agriculture, recommends a minimum of five servings of fruits and vegetables per day, especially those rich in naturally occurring substances, including antioxidants, flavonoids and vitamins.

About The Fremont Company

The Fremont Company is a 100 year old consumer food product company headquartered in Fremont, OH. The Fremont Company produces nationally distributed consumer and food service products including Franks and Snowfloss Kraut and Mississippi BBQ Sauce. The Fremont Company maintains cross promotional relationships with several major restaurant chains and is distributed in various ballparks and stadiums including Yankee Stadium. Check out other sexy and unique recipes at www.sauerkraut.com

Contact:

     BIGfrontier for the Fremont Company
   Katy Busser, 312-224-8546
   kbusser@bigfrontier.org

Colin Hay - Frontman of Men at Work coming to Toledo. August 25th @ Gumbo's

www.colinhay.com

Call 419.693.5300, or 419.697.8700 for Tix
$18.00

Dude, this is my chance to reconnect with my 5th grade Hero. First time I kissed a girl was to "Who Can it Be Now" way back in 1983. Screw going to see Billy Idol, this is the 80's Comeback Concert of the Year , well at least until Survivor hits the Midway at this years Lucas County Fair, LOL !

BTW, I was going to include a link to the Lucas County Fair site, but it is the most embarrassing thing I've seen in Toledo since the Toledo City Paper " Metro Music" Section

Darth Tater takes out Tom Cruise !! Oprah Lives

The original, the one, the only: Coming to a home near you is the newest release of Playskool’s Mr. Potato Head, featuring none other than Darth Vader as Darth Tater!

Playskool is proud to announce the launch of the new character, Darth Tater. Discover all kinds of mix ‘n match, Mr. Potato Head fun with this wacky spud dressed as Darth Vader. The package comes with lots of silly parts, including lightsaber, cape, helmet, shoes, eyes, nose, teeth and more! (via starwars.com)

Tom Cruise is a Sith Lord

Here's the Full Movie with sound of Tom Cruise Killing Oprah

Harpo should stay away from those crazy Scientologists.

Check out Tshirthell.com

Ghost-Wary, Dot-Eating Pac-Man Turns 25

By MATT SLAGLE, AP Technology Writer Tue Jun 14, 3:50 PM ET

For a video game, Pac-Man is getting downright old. The ghost-wary hero with an insatiable appetite for dots turns 25 this month.

From the early 1980s "Pac-Mania" to today's endless sequels and rip-offs, the original master of maze management remains a bright yellow circle on the cultural radar.

But there was more to Pac-Man's broad appeal than eating dots and dodging on-screen archrivals Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde.

"This was the first time a player took on a persona in the game. Instead of controlling inanimate objects like tanks, paddles and missile bases, players now controlled a `living' creature," says Leonard Herman, author of "Phoenix: The Rise and Fall of Videogames." "It was something that people could identify, like a hero."

It all began in Japan, when Toru Iwatani, a young designer at Namco, caught inspiration from a pizza that was missing a slice. Puck-Man, as it was originally called, was born. Because of obvious similarities to a certain four-letter profanity, "Puck" became "Pac" when it debuted in the U.S. in 1980.

Its success spawned a romantic interest (Ms. Pac-Man), a child (Junior Pac-Man), a cartoon show and hundreds of licensed products. The phenomenon even reached the pop music charts when "Pac-Man Fever" by Buckner & Garcia drove us all crazy in 1982.

Billy Williams, the first and only person known to play a perfect game of Pac-Man (he racked up a score of 3,333,360 after clearing all 256 levels in more than six hours in 1999, according to video game record keepers Twin Galaxies) says Pac's popularity was in its nonviolent simplicity.

"The fact that it's cute, it's almost like a hero running around the board from bad guys. It's not an appeal based on violence," the 39-year-old from Hollywood, Fla., said. "Whether it was an 80-year-old lady or a kid, everyone could adapt to the Pac-Man world."

Billions of quarters later, Pac-Man's influence continues.

As part of a final project for a class in New York University's Interactive Telecommunications graduate program last year, students with cell phones and Wi-Fi Internet connections mimicked the game, tracking their movements on a grid spanning several city blocks.

They called this analog re-enactment, where four people dressed as ghosts searched for Pac-Man on the streets around New York's Washington Square Park, Pac-Manhattan.

"We never had anyone clear the entire board," said Frank Lantz, a game designer who taught the course.

Namco, which can't offer an exact date for Pac-Man's birth, sold 293,822 of the arcade machines between 1980 and '87. It shows no signs of giving up on the franchise.

The company has several new games this year, including "Pac-Mania 3D," "Pac-Man World 3," Pac-Pix" and "Pac-Man Pinball." It even began making a special 25th anniversary edition of the old arcade machine.

"People say, `Who buys Pac-Man?' It's one of the few games where the answer is, `Everyone,'" said Scott Rubin, general manager of Namco America.

Herman said Pac-Man's place in video game history is forever secure, saying: "It was a milestone of video game history."

Katie Holmes Converting to Scientology

AP LONDON - Katie Holmes says she's embracing Scientology, the religion of her boyfriend, Tom Cruise.

Holmes, in London to promote her new film, "Batman Begins," was asked if she is taking lessons in the Church of Scientology, a religion founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard.

"Yes, I am, and I'm really excited about it," she said Monday.

The 26-year-old actress and Cruise went public with their romantic relationship in April. The former star of television's "Dawson's Creek" grew up in Toledo, OH with a poster of Cruise on her bedroom wall and has said she grew up wanting to marry him.

"We all keep dreaming, and luckily, dreams come true," Holmes said.

She dismissed critics who have accused the couple of staging a relationship for publicity of their new movies.

"It doesn't hurt me at all. There are a lot of people really, really happy for us. It's really exciting. We are so happy. I don't really care about the critics," she said.

Asked about wedding plans, Holmes replied: "There's nothing official to report."

Cruise was in Tokyo Monday for the premiere of his new film, "War of the Worlds."

In an interview in the June 17 issue of Entertainment Weekly, the 42-year-old actor was asked if Holmes is curious about Scientology.

"Yeah, absolutely. She digs it," he tells the magazine.

In response to a question about whether he'd asked Holmes not to do "Factory Girl" — about Edie Sedgwick and Andy Warhol — because of the drug use in the movie, Cruise says: "I don't even know what `Factory Girl' is."

He adds: "Listen, the thing you've got to know about Katie is that she's an incredibly bright and self-determined woman. She makes her own decisions."

Cruise was previously married to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman, and dated Penelope Cruz. Holmes and actor Chris Klein recently called off their engagement, after dating for five years.

Durty Bird Parking Lot Party - June 11th

We will be performing down at The Durty Bird Sat June 11th from 5-7PM. It's their annual Parking Lot Party. Come on down, then follow us over to The Lighthouse for the 2nd Part of the show...

FreeKatie.net - Funny Stuff Here

They sell Free Katie Tshirts !!! Everyone in Town should own one and wear it proudly.

Freekatie.net- McLaughlin Cameron Designs invites you to join the movement to liberate Katie, a young, gifted, actress held captive by forces we may never understand. Even one summer of captivity is too long for one so bright!

Getting a Free iPod - The Truth Revealed

Well we have all seen the hype on the internet & TV about freeiPods.com. Everyone wants to know does it work, yes. That's the easy answer. Next question is always, how does it work.

It works sort of like a pyramid scheme, but not in a bad lose your money way, you can do it with no out of pocket expenses. Really you can get a free iPod. Now here's the nuts and Bolts of the Plan, you sign up @ freeipods.com give them some simple information, like name, address and email, don't worry they are not out to steal your identity. Next they show you a page of offers you can sign up for. This is the part where you might get scared and say no way, but bear with me. Most things are painless things like a Free Napster Trial or Blockbuster's new Blockbuster Online. They require you to enter you credit card and charge you if you forget to cancel in the grace period, usually 2 weeks. Even if you forget big deal you got a iPod for $10 or $15. Now the hard part is over.

Next you just have to get five of your Friends or Random people do the same thing you just did and Voila' a FREE iPod. Simple isn't it. Now your asking why I would tell you this. Doh, because I want a shiny new iPOD & I need your referrals :)

so, Please click here to Sign up and Help me get a FREE iPod.

Thanks,
Tito Slack

Written for the FREE iPod? Blog

The Great Turd Burglar

SAN DIEGO
The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.

The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.

He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said.

The robber ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled the scene, police said.